I had done a ton of writing since landing back in London. Nothing I wanted to put out as I knew the type of writing I was doing was quite dark as the mindset I was in was quite tragic. Im not asking for you guys to feel sorry for me but to listen to my failed plan and how it was executed.
By this point the first two steps of my plan had already failed but alas I kept a brave face and endured the crap. I went back to my friend who had a room to rent and made sure to ask if me being there would be an issue. Surprisingly she was quite open to me renting her room as we had good encounters in our past. This fun trip down memory lane soon switched to something different when realising I had to ask my dad for some of my nest egg but at the end of the day I needed help and he had told me to ask but the real question I wanted to ask was:
“Why am I unable to stay at my aunts as suggested by her before I came to the country?’’
What ever issues that were going on behind the scenes I don’t know why it had affected me but somehow in all of this I was the victim and was being treated like one.
He sends me a quarter of my nest egg to put towards rent and getting small bits for myself which again in turn makes me see superman in a different light.
Without any arguments or problems I move into my new room in the quiet parts of Kennington and start to look into methods of maintaining my son from overseas. Now I was smart with it.. The moment I got to London any money I had I made sure to send over a big potion of it to my son (with evidence of me sending it 🙂 ). For some reason this year being back in London most people forgot how close me and my son were and the importance he is in my life. Let me not continue and sound like a bitter single parent but speak on the positives. Now living under a totally different roof with new people I needed to find a way to get back to Canada but also regain the money I had now put in to rent.
London is the city of opportunities and money..
I have many people I know in London that I could jump back in with to earn a quick change so I started the search. I looked at all my old peoples that I had been around or we had done business before and you know what I realised very quickly? Me leaving in 2017, that was like a massive pause button for some but also, that was a delete button for others. Friendship and honouring something is what I have always believed in so my first thought was to message my successful friend who I felt we were in the same field so it would be something easy for me to jump into or even just to help so I could get an additional jobs going forward as I know they used people in that field so two friends at it with the same mindset would be brilliant.
“Of course I would want to bring you to a shoot but I don’t know if you’re going to try and fuck one of the guests or you might miss a shot. You do a shoot first and let me see what comes from it then we can go from there”
This was the second time a “good”friend had put me in a certain box but on the back of that it made me realise a massive point about myself.
I was a massive twat
Literally people have a set view of me or how I move and now I’m back I’ve seen it. I heard a phrase used once in a podcast saying:
“Your always looking for the problem but it’s your mirror that has dropped”
So to put it plainly…. I was an egotistical arrogant loving sweet rude prick that always wanted the best for and from my close and loved ones. Coming back they still had this view of me being this person when in actual fact I had changed. Not only personality wise but also my mindset was different towards certain things, but how can I show people I’m not the fuck boy I was before? Wait, should I even be entertaining the views of others and just focus on myself?
Why am I even caring about them things when my aim is to get back to Canada?! Anywho the job hunt started but have you ever tried to find a needle in a haystack? Have you ever tried to go so west that to end up in east? Is water wet??
What I’m trying to get at is have to tried to find a job in the midst of a covid outbreak?